Where to much weight on your shoulders can harm

I posted this comment on another blog.  But I thought it warranted a blog mention here on it's own.

Once long time ago, in a world removed from the one I’m in now.(I’m telling a story, no rolling of eyes lol). People came to me to tell me their woes. This particular woe was about dissatisfaction in a marriage. I encouraged them to go see a therapist. That person did not.

Then one day, I felt the pattern shift. I’m pretty sure the Wiccan, I had introduced her to(for friendship, cause he needed some) had decided to do a love spell. Which irritated the every living hell out of me, because once done, it cannot be undone, the damn thing had to play out for itself, and I knew the marriage was gone. Any hope of it being repaired, blown away. I was pissed.

Anyway… The marriage went to hell. The man, got screwed over in the first divorce but later got his kids, so that path became ok.(One of the reasons I was fighting for therapy, because if it did go badly, that it would not be so acrimonious and the adults could still stay friends. And hey, less crap to deal with in therapy later on)

I carried that guilt for years. I warned people if you come to me about your marriage troubles either it will get stronger or Woe woe and more woe will happen. Ie I let superstition take hold and think I would screw people up if I listened to the marriage woes.

Anyway years later, I went to an Episcopalian therapist at a Baptist church. I told her the above story. I kept saying, I couldn’t get them to do x. She pointed out how I said it, and that I wasn’t letting them take responsibility(I neglected the magic spell cause ummm, there was only so much I was going to be open about). That I had mentioned over and over and over again, that she needed professional help and she never got it. As she talked or kicked my ass, I felt the guilt leave.

So long story short. Think about that phrase above and whether it is healthy to talk on that amount of guilt and ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ ahead of time. You are human(ish). You are going to fuck up. And that should be ok.

The lesson I learned.

1. I can't control people.  I may see a better path, but that doesn't mean others will take it.  I can't get mad at myself if I won't manipulate them to take that better path, because I find manipulation like that to be unethical. It's not my fault if people don't listen to me.  I should stop making it my fault.  

2. I am human.  If I preach that being human is ok.  If I preach that it is healthy to your self image to be human, and not hurt your psyche by feeling guilty you can't live up to Gods commandments, or Buddha's way, or make it out of the Hindu wheel of Nirvanna, than I should understand I will not always be perfect in my job and duties and I need to let it go.  Learn from my mistakes, pick myself up and dust myself off and get up and try again.