Where to much weight on your shoulders can harm

I posted this comment on another blog.  But I thought it warranted a blog mention here on it's own.

Once long time ago, in a world removed from the one I’m in now.(I’m telling a story, no rolling of eyes lol). People came to me to tell me their woes. This particular woe was about dissatisfaction in a marriage. I encouraged them to go see a therapist. That person did not.

Then one day, I felt the pattern shift. I’m pretty sure the Wiccan, I had introduced her to(for friendship, cause he needed some) had decided to do a love spell. Which irritated the every living hell out of me, because once done, it cannot be undone, the damn thing had to play out for itself, and I knew the marriage was gone. Any hope of it being repaired, blown away. I was pissed.

Anyway… The marriage went to hell. The man, got screwed over in the first divorce but later got his kids, so that path became ok.(One of the reasons I was fighting for therapy, because if it did go badly, that it would not be so acrimonious and the adults could still stay friends. And hey, less crap to deal with in therapy later on)

I carried that guilt for years. I warned people if you come to me about your marriage troubles either it will get stronger or Woe woe and more woe will happen. Ie I let superstition take hold and think I would screw people up if I listened to the marriage woes.

Anyway years later, I went to an Episcopalian therapist at a Baptist church. I told her the above story. I kept saying, I couldn’t get them to do x. She pointed out how I said it, and that I wasn’t letting them take responsibility(I neglected the magic spell cause ummm, there was only so much I was going to be open about). That I had mentioned over and over and over again, that she needed professional help and she never got it. As she talked or kicked my ass, I felt the guilt leave.

So long story short. Think about that phrase above and whether it is healthy to talk on that amount of guilt and ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ ahead of time. You are human(ish). You are going to fuck up. And that should be ok.

The lesson I learned.

1. I can't control people.  I may see a better path, but that doesn't mean others will take it.  I can't get mad at myself if I won't manipulate them to take that better path, because I find manipulation like that to be unethical. It's not my fault if people don't listen to me.  I should stop making it my fault.  

2. I am human.  If I preach that being human is ok.  If I preach that it is healthy to your self image to be human, and not hurt your psyche by feeling guilty you can't live up to Gods commandments, or Buddha's way, or make it out of the Hindu wheel of Nirvanna, than I should understand I will not always be perfect in my job and duties and I need to let it go.  Learn from my mistakes, pick myself up and dust myself off and get up and try again.  

God Phone and sensitivity

I hear a lot, on how special people are that are psychic.  I hear the term muggles used and other non Harry Potter stuff used, to distinguish between us Pagan sensitives and those that aren't.  I call bullshit.

We aren't special, every human has it.  Some of us just have more practice.  Then others are just more delusional and believe our own bullshit.

Humans are animals.  We have our 5 senses.  We also have our instinct, especially if we don't kill it off with self doubt, coated in logic.  That sense is called intuition and "gut".  Those uh oh feelings.  That person is creepy feeling, but you can't put your finger on it.  Don't go out today, and you find out why.  Or you can "feel" that a dangerous storm is brewing.  Or that inner voice that tells you to call someone you love, but you can't figure out why, but you find out later they needed someone.

None of these are special.  They are tools that we have available to us.  Psychics and those with God phones aren't special, they just have more practice at trusting the crazy shit that comes to us, and understanding we will get the why's later.  We are no more special than the potter who can make bowls and mugs, and other amazing stuff.  We are no more special than the person who can do engineering.  These are all tools and skills.

God phones, is intuition done with more time and more trust in yourself.  I learned by talking initially with the trees.  I learned how to do that by starting free writing.  The key to God phone is your subconscious and your imagination.  You need to learn to discern from your imagination, and from the oomph stuff that is given to you.

One of the things that I learned to discern from that is how much color and noise is given to me.  My imagination gives me color, but not full Technicolor.  The voices are richer.  The Gods have voices like the trees, only deeper.  I can feel the long view in what they give me.  My voice is like a ferret in response and more high pitched.

I figured this out by reading Laurie Cabots Power of the witch.  I adapted her 5 steps to getting to the alpha state.  One of the things in there says you get to it by day dreaming, and reading.  So I used my little man on the shoulder I got from my owies in my childhood to analyze when I entered that state.  Then I practiced going there at will.

A con though.  You can be too sensitive.  I found that out in MS.  I would get panic attacks and see blue lights flashing.  Later on, I saw a cop car.  I was too sensitive.  Yahweh stuck a filter on the back of my head and shook his head at me.  Steps on the ground aren't always an incoming earthquake, so you may need to shield and center and ground more, if you are getting that way.

Being Strong

So, because of you is something I'm going through lately. Also Kelly Clarksons what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Her Ms Independent is also eerily accurate. Not a quite unknown road, but one that I wasn't prepared to walk, thought I had learned these lessons. Apparently not... (I should also probably get off of Kelly Clarksons love songs)

The problem though with being strong, is you know how to fight. You know your strengths and weaknesses and how to use them. But you don't know how to live. You don't know how to have patience. You cut people off when a little patience would have gone farther.

Then when you do understand patience, you give a little to much to those you trust. Causing this cycle to start anew.

I can fight. Fighting is easy. I can stand tall. I can leave so easily. Staying is different. Understanding when to stay and be patient and when to walk is a harder game to understand.

It's akin to having scar tissue and cartilage. Sure you are tougher. The downside is you feel less, and you are jaded. How do you get stronger and wiser without feeling less. How do you get close without flinching from every perceived blow.

People talk about being strong. People talk about passion. They don't talk about the dark times and getting through them. They don't talk about the lonely times.

Being strong is great. But be flexible, so you don't become brittle. I'm trying to put more flexibility in my Iron. I need to be more flexible, without being so flexible I can't stand for anything.

Loki

I originally was going to go all rawrrrrr on John Halstead post on privledge, but I got poked to do something else instead.

So here it is:

LOKI:

The Phoenix.  The raging fire.  The hearth fire.  The one who destroys, the one who fixes.  The Transmutable fire.  The shapeshifter.  The laughing God.  The sad God.  The one who loves deeply.

The fire of the furnace.  The fire of a wildfire.  The hot breath raging breath of a wildfire.

When I think of Loki, I think of a bonfire, or Fire.  The power and the wind and the roar.  That is the description that I am to portray of him.

My interaction with him is that of Dad.  I have a very close relationship with him.  I respect him.  I love him. I respect but don't fear him. I am often shaking my head bemused by him.  I also know, if I call on him, that I better be damn sure I am asking for the right thing, because he is CHANGE.

He has his own Honor.  He will use any tool at his disposal to get shit done.  That means he will lie and steal and do what he needs to get it done.  However he is very honest with me.

He is also very subtle in his lessons.  Some I don't even know I am doing, until I have done them and they have fixed me or made me face a fear.  He is not a deity for the light hearted.  Nor should he be trifled with.

He was among the other Gods, who poked me to go to Lightning across the Plains.  I was being to isolated. I needed to interact with others.  The kids needed to see a bigger Pagan gathering.  It was affordable.

The con to that, is I didn't feel like I belonged.  Because of the nature of the worshippers(who are very nice and good people), I kept my affiliations quiet.  Thus I could not be myself.  Plus, after having an autistic child for a while, 200+ people can be a bit overwhelming.  Me the extrovert felt more than a bit of an introvert and that I was in a hamster ball mewling.

I think I would do better at a smaller gathering.  But since the Troth allows toasting to Loki, I may join and see if there are more Loki friendly events.  I liked meeting the people.  I oddly felt closer to the more vanic worshippers as well(haven't figured that out).

I also need a place where I can let my son go, where I can relax.  Where he can be himself.  So a smaller venue would be better.

Issues in the greater Pagan religion

I see a lot of hue and furious cry of typing fingers, when Teo Bishop left.  I see a lot of whinging about Pentacles and horror films and think of the Neo Pagan witches.  I don't see a lot of Pagan press about many of the Prison Chaplains that work with Pagans in Prison.  I don't see a lot of news about people who actually do stuff to make the world a better place.  Though there is plenty of halp halp the Christians are persecuting me.

Why?

Oh and Lords and Ladies above.  If someone asks for help in the Pagan community for financial issues, or for charity don't expect them to get much help.  But the self same Pagans that can't be arsed to give 5 bucks, sure as hell can spend money for made in china crap, that comes from Azure Green.

That bugs me.  It doesn't say much for our ethics or our priorities.

Why is being a victim a higher priority in the larger Pagan community then giving back to the world?  Why don't we have it in our theology and talk about it more?  Why do we let those who help, do so out of their own pocket?  If you can't afford any to help, you can make a craft and do a raffle to generate the funds. Why aren't we seeing this?

And yes I do help.

I'd list what I do(and I feel I should do more, but balance right now) but this isn't my ego boost, this is the start of the why.

WHY general Pagans, WHY?

Critical thinking how to, take 1?

It begins with the questions.  It is an important and holy question.  The sacred question of why.

My husband told me once, one of the good hallmarks of a good game master, is to ask why three times. The answer to those questions leads you to help in making the game more enjoyable for the players.  You can also use that method, in critical thinking.

Another name for this, would be the socratic method.  See linky to law school explanation.  http://www.law.uchicago.edu/prospectives/lifeofthemind/socraticmethod  It has embedded hyperlinks you can also read to gain more of an idea.  This one is a wiki link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socratic_method  It has more then a law school rapid fire version of the method.

Other tools in your box, that I think are important, is a basic understanding of psychology.  You don't have to go to class, go to amazon and get some used textbooks, and read.  Understanding the basics of how people communicate would be helpful.

Despite the mantra in Pagandom of do not judge others, that is more harmful then hurtful.  It neglects the fact that we are human and it is in our nature to judge.  If we didn't, we often would run head first into bad situations.  Judging is not bad.

It is shallow to base what someone is like based on their looks.  However their speech, body language and how they treat others, shows what they will be like as a person.  It is vital then that you use that knowledge gained from getting to know them to make judgement.  Also ALWAYS listen to your intuition.  It knows things that you do not.

Critical thinking

Most of the beginning teachings in Paganism revolve around, shielding, centering, grounding and reading information about the Gods.  Conflict resolution techniques are not discussed, which I find to be a shame.  A skill that is also in short supply, in being taught is critical thinking.

I believe this is due in large part, because many don't know it.  If you don't develop the skills, you are in a religion that it is very easy to delude yourself or be deluded by others.  You also run the risk of being deluded by spirits.

Now you may be wondering, why this is imp.  It helps in presenting a more serious, less juvenile view of Pagandom to other religions.  This helps in interfaith work.  Also, if Pagans are seen in a more serious light, or less of a dangerous light, lawmakers are more likely to think about laws that may impact us.  Government bureaucrats whose job it is, to make sure you are a decent parent, will be less likely to harass you.

The founders of the movement leave something to be desired ethically.  Gerald Gardner, if you read 50 years of Wicca, you will find is a dirty old man.  I would even suggest that there are things in Wicca that if you look hard you will see he had pulled out of Buddhism or Hinduism along with his time in the Golden Dawn.

Alex Sanders, when he was told no, about joining Gardner, stole the books of shadows and did his own coven.  Aleister Crowley, crazy heroin addict.  Our Neo Pagan founders left some things to be desired.

Israel Regardie though, pretty darn ethical.  I have yet to hear a bad thing about Cunninghan, except that some of the more serious Pagans think he is fluffy.  Deborah Lipp, another person that I wouldn't hesitate to send people to.  I haven't heard much negative about Kveldulf Gundarrsson.

Anyway...  My point before I wandered into the land, of wtf were we doing learning from our founders.  My point was critical thinking.  We have Issac Bonewits to introduce us to the cult form.  http://www.neopagan.net/ABCDEF.html

We have Ronald Hutton, that started talking in laymans terms about how many of our histories are just horribly inaccurate.  Though, it is still getting to many people.  Many still believe in the 9 million died of the inquisition aka burning times.  Many still believe in what is now debunked Margaret Murray's anthropological thesis of a witches going back several thousand years and a secret witch cult.  See Triumph of the Moon.

Reading outside of Llewellyn and Pagan authors will help in establishing, a more objective mindset. Understanding socratic thought, will help in keeping a skeptical mind.  There is nothing wrong, to question Pagan authors and their concepts or your own UPG as stringently as you questioned Christianity. Talking around, and taking more than just big name Pagans view, will help in developing more critical thought patterns.  

I do not think that learning how to be an academic like Axe and Plough has stipulated, is necessarily the way to stop bad Canonical thought from staying in Paganism. http://thelettuceman.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/paganism-and-psuedoscholarship/ 

Despite my experiences, it is not bad ethics, or being a bad person to question people either.  I know it goes against the newagey mantra of be nice and keep annoying negative people away, so your aura doesn't get muddied, but it isn't bad.

Paganbookreviews.net is a site that would be helpful to have.  She's gives pretty objective reviews.  It helps in deciding which books to spend your hard earned money on.

Going and reading communication textbooks, will help in understanding public relations, advertising, and how people communicate.  This helps in talking with spirits, with understanding the business world of Pagan publishing, and helps with not being taken in by commercials.

I will try in my blog to dissect how I do things in this regard and put it in more bite sized pieces.  This is hard for me, so bear with me.

Lunas