Trust

People have said, that when you are at your worst, you should be on your knees praying the most.  That you should let go and let God(AA).  That you should trust in the will of the Gods.  That is when you should do devotions to the Gods.

That's all pretty phrasing, but really difficult to follow.  The fear, the palpable fear, is there.  You have adrenaline going.  You are worried.  You are stressed.  And that's just the emotional reaction when you have regular bad stress.  When the shit really hits the fan, and you are trying to keep it together it is really hard to trust.

When your life is going to crap, the last thing you want to hear, is trust.  What you need is a hug.  What you need are solutions.  What you need is a hand up.

When the bad shit in 2010 happened, I broke inside.  I grieved.  I trusted because I had nothing else to trust and yeah the kids and I are ok for now.  But there was deep simmering anger.  There still is to a degree. Because it is one thing to put me through hell, it's another for it to affect my kids, and I resent that.  I wanted better for my children.  I also wonder, when the shit is going to stop, when will life stop being a constant struggle.

Currently, offerings of food and drink will be fewer than they had been in the past.  Not because I don't love my Gods, but because money is going to be tighter.  Before offerings can be made, I have to make sure, my kids and I have enough to get through the month.  (and I forgot to get the fat for the crows, sigh, and the bird seed).

That episode in 2010, almost had me negating my relationship with the Gods.  It didn't help that Yahweh and Loki both forbade me in helping with spell work.  I was told unequivocally NO!  If I did, consequences would happen.  I had to sit and wait, and be helpless, and it killed me inside when the waiting was over.  To say I didn't agree with the outcome is an understatement.  To say I think it was to harsh is also another understatement.  On top of that, to not know what I was going to do, was also an understatement.
http://davensjournal.com/perceived-relationships-with-the-gods

Though to hear some of the BNP's talk, I should have been giving devotions.  My heart nor my soul were in that mind frame.  I was in survival mode.  The only thing that kept me going, was me needing to take care of the kids.

I didn't stop having a relationship with my Gods.  I did let them know I was angry, why I was angry.  That I was deeply hurt, and that my trust had been broken.  We are still repairing that.  We are still repairing me.  I have triggers and PTSD that, I am still figuring out and trying to fix.  I am more fragile and yet more strong than I was before.

I am only now finding out some of the reasons.  The other reasons, I don't know.  I do trust(grudgingly)It is hard, rightfully so.

Even if you have gone through hell, telling someone else, that when shit is hard, is when they need to do the devotions more, is bullshit.  If you can't lend an ear, then get out of the way.  If you can't hug, get out of the way.  If you can't or won't lend a hand up, then get the hell outta the way.

Piety

The recent kerfluffle is about Piety.  It also is about respecting the Gods.  It also seems to be about whom to listen to.  I covered the whole who to listen to, in my post below.

Now on Piety.  Smurfette from the Smurfette principle http://stephyjh.wordpress.com/about-the-work/ Is just if not more pious than someone who gives offerings on a daily basis.  She's doing something imp, tasked to her by Bridgette, she's making quilts for young ones in the hospital, who otherwise may not get any blanket coverings.  Now I do not know if she makes other offerings(eats or does not eat them) to Brigid, nor do I know if Brigid even wants those, instead of her doing the work.

Do I give regular offerings, no.  I do it, half hazardly, like I do when I think about close friends and see something shiny for them, that i know would make them smile.  My offerings are not part of my piety, it's hey I was thinking of you, heres something yummy.  Though the fact that I am starting to want to have more yummy foods vs foods that survive, means I'm healing, from a deep pain, that happened in 2010.

I do votive offerings of candles more often.  Again that is more recent.  Prior to that I had statues.  But!! That does not make me impious.  It just means I've run into information that shows that Gods like offerings and I give them.  (speaking of which I need to get some to put outside for the birds).

I do however, put broken peopel together.  That is my biggest job.  That is what they want me to do. I pay for a felons car insurance on my car insurance, even though I don't have a lot of money.  I do it, out of love. I have used my Photography to help Christian Churches, and that is part of my ethics my Gods want me to adhere to.  I learn, in order to help others.  I am the voice of the Gods for those that need one(any God).That is more important to them, than whether I leave regular offerings.

To say that someone is impious because they don't leave offerings the way you do, is hubris.  You do not know of what their Gods have them do, or what they have agreed to do.  It is also busybody as hell.  It screams of Sister Bertha Better then you(Ray Stevens Mississippi Squirrel revival) In short, stop poking your nose in, where it isn't warranted.