Where to much weight on your shoulders can harm

I posted this comment on another blog.  But I thought it warranted a blog mention here on it's own.

Once long time ago, in a world removed from the one I’m in now.(I’m telling a story, no rolling of eyes lol). People came to me to tell me their woes. This particular woe was about dissatisfaction in a marriage. I encouraged them to go see a therapist. That person did not.

Then one day, I felt the pattern shift. I’m pretty sure the Wiccan, I had introduced her to(for friendship, cause he needed some) had decided to do a love spell. Which irritated the every living hell out of me, because once done, it cannot be undone, the damn thing had to play out for itself, and I knew the marriage was gone. Any hope of it being repaired, blown away. I was pissed.

Anyway… The marriage went to hell. The man, got screwed over in the first divorce but later got his kids, so that path became ok.(One of the reasons I was fighting for therapy, because if it did go badly, that it would not be so acrimonious and the adults could still stay friends. And hey, less crap to deal with in therapy later on)

I carried that guilt for years. I warned people if you come to me about your marriage troubles either it will get stronger or Woe woe and more woe will happen. Ie I let superstition take hold and think I would screw people up if I listened to the marriage woes.

Anyway years later, I went to an Episcopalian therapist at a Baptist church. I told her the above story. I kept saying, I couldn’t get them to do x. She pointed out how I said it, and that I wasn’t letting them take responsibility(I neglected the magic spell cause ummm, there was only so much I was going to be open about). That I had mentioned over and over and over again, that she needed professional help and she never got it. As she talked or kicked my ass, I felt the guilt leave.

So long story short. Think about that phrase above and whether it is healthy to talk on that amount of guilt and ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ ahead of time. You are human(ish). You are going to fuck up. And that should be ok.

The lesson I learned.

1. I can't control people.  I may see a better path, but that doesn't mean others will take it.  I can't get mad at myself if I won't manipulate them to take that better path, because I find manipulation like that to be unethical. It's not my fault if people don't listen to me.  I should stop making it my fault.  

2. I am human.  If I preach that being human is ok.  If I preach that it is healthy to your self image to be human, and not hurt your psyche by feeling guilty you can't live up to Gods commandments, or Buddha's way, or make it out of the Hindu wheel of Nirvanna, than I should understand I will not always be perfect in my job and duties and I need to let it go.  Learn from my mistakes, pick myself up and dust myself off and get up and try again.  

Bittersweet memeories

So, I had a sad day yesterday.  Not as bad as some of the people I know, who were simmering soup pointlessly.  I know I shouldn't be amused about emo soup but I am, sorry hun.

Anyway...  I'm facing a divorce.  I was missing my best friend yesterday.  I was missing the person who understood me the most.  I was missing and grieving that loss.

The responsible thing, would probably be to google how others deal with it.  But honestly I don't want to do that.  I don't want to open up to others.  I just want to be petted by those I love.

This upcoming divorce has thrown me in many ways.  I have a hard time trusting myself, in picking others.  I feel the ache, where the hole in my heart is.  Sigh, he was my soul mate.

I'm getting over it, but there are parts of me, going what type of friggen dysfunction do I have that I pick the wrong people.  I thought he was the right one.  I thought I had broken my pattern.  How could I make such a mistake.(I don't take failure well).

Why am I writing about this.  So that others, if they choose to read about it, and they are going through stuff, will be helped?  It felt like something I should do, so I hope it helps somebody.

Bad weather

My thoughts are with the south today and yesterday.  Tommorow is supposed to be bad as well.  Keep your heads down and stay safe.

Guys, contact the various charities and see what is needed.  I know that shampoo and food was needed after Katrina.  Many churches house people who have been displaced and they turn into shelters.  Time to reach out guys.

The things you learn while reading quilting stuff

How to have a happy time while ironing.  It also gets out wrinkles(why no one told me starch helps as when I try to iron I end up putting in wrinkles) and makes cloth crisp.  Thus why quilters are discovering the love of starch, because when piecing triangles and other small pieces of fabric(that you cut up from a perfectly good big yard, to put back together for a blanket) it helps if the fabric is crisp and not floppy.

http://ex-scapes.com/2013/03/03/homemade-vodka-spray-starch/

Ok people here is the blog with the recipe at the bottom.  Yup Potato vodka and water equals starch, who woulda thunk it.

Link to explain more of why it is useful, from a quilters blog.
http://www.butterflycottagepatterns.com/the-definitive-guide-to-spray-starch/

I blame James Grimswolf for this. Deep thoughts on what I want out of tradition

So in a conversation James got me to thunking.  What do I want out of group or a community.  It doesn't help that the Kenny Klein thing has gotten us all talking about ethics and think of the children.  So I'm in deep thought mode.

Keep in mind, while writing this, I am comparing and contrasting stuff I've experienced and seen. I'm comparing and contrasting solitary Wicca, Wiccan covens, some group work I've done, Kindreds and churches.  These are my feelings.

Well, I'm an American.  I'm not really all that into Wicca hierarchy nor Chieftains.  Have those that know what they are doing, be nominally in charge.  But I do think that everyone should have a say, that is in the group.  Lets vote and do it Republican style(the Roman term not the political party term).

The whole lets go and be what the ancients were, leaves me with the not so warm and fuzzy feelings.  I'm a modern person and with that, comes some benefits.  I don't want to copy what the ancients did.  I want to learn from them, use what is good and put in a box(the stuff I don't find good, but others may later) the other stuff.  I want us to appreciate our moderness.  I don't know about anyone else but air conditioning is fricken nice.

I think that Group work is just as important as Solo work.  I think a community or a tradition should be able to accommodate both.  We don't need to do Pagan Catholism.  We need to see what works for us and do that.  Small stuff is just as important as Pomp and Circumstance.

One of the reasons, I found I wasn't ever going to be BTW Wiccan, was meeting the Goddess was like having High Tea with the Queen.  There wasn't the small familiarity of family from my previous encounters. The rituals weren't adaptable. I was trying to do a simple Garden blessing and all I could hear was Pomp and Circumstance music in the back of my head.  I wanted the small waltzes of Beethoven, or the soft music of Lorena McKennit.

I am not Wiccan, because the religion didn't feel as real or rich to me as I need.  It felt contrived.  It felt too immersed in New Agey concepts and too mixed.  So for me, I need something that has the richness and primalness of Ye olden days.  I need the Gods to be equal to.  No male God is the consort of the Goddess thing.  I need the Gods to be thought of as real, not as Pantheistic concepts.  So the community can't be so overly diverse that we end up being another UU CUUPs thing.

I need the community to be involved in interfaith and intrafaith stuff.  Why, because there are things that all the religions can do that need doing.  Homeless shelters, food banks, helping those in prison etc etc etc etc.

While we are at it... The community can't be I hate Jesus and God.  It's time to grow up and put that crap aside.  We are becoming an adult religion, and with that comes like acting like an adult and working with people you don't agree with.  So conflict resolution skills are going to be imp.

God Grammar pun

uh, a singular God... it's "one Áss, many Aesir" (although technically Aesir should be spelled Æsir...). I don't know how to explain that, it's just the singular form of Æsir...?Myriad Hallaug Lokadís 



Had to share, because there is a Lokean joke/pun in there.


Context
This came out of the conversation of some Heathens say "technically" Loki isn't a God but a Jotun.  Because Jotuns aren't Gods???  Ymir isn't a God?  Meh anyway.  I was wondering does that count the Vanir too?  But apparently Vanir are considered Gods. This sentence was a clarification of the Vanir answer.  It was too funny not to share.

Think on it.

A very thought provoking post

http://www.witchesandpagans.com/Theosis/practice-what-you-preach.html

I  have run into this hypocrisy time and time again.  I have mostly run into it because I dare to be a Republican when many Pagans are very liberal.  I really don't understand the virulence.  If you don't like it, don't be it.  Simple.