Trying to find the pattern in what didn't work in communication

I'm trying to analyze stuff in my past life, that didn't work, in regards to communication.  Maybe by posting this, it may help some of you, or not....

I have found, that while I am passionate, I am not someone who is, an activist personality.  I am Pagan, that is not how I define my life.  I do not live my life, just for my religious beliefs.  Ergo, I find I do not get along with activist types, because their politics or whatever is what drives them.  They can't see beyond their own issues.

I can't get along with those, who can't be disagreed with.  This is usually ego or insecurity on their end.  I'm a Lokean, telling me I can't disagree with you or argue with you, doesn't work so well.  Frankly I don't find it healthy on an emotional or mental level.

Most liberal Pagans I have encountered of are of the you can't argue with me level.  Their politics are so ingrained, that if you argue from the opposite side, you are the enemy.  It takes the form, usually of employing belittling techniques(mostly in grammar or spelling, to flat out calling you stupid or saying that you are morally repugnant, for voting for a candidate they disagree with).  Ironically they are the ones who argue the most about tolerance but can't display it or walk the walk.  What they really want is acceptance, but you can't force that on others, and they vehemently refuse to see that.

I have many liberal Pagans on my personal facebook.  However, they usually have enough of a healthy ego, that it's ok for us to disagree.  More to the point, they will argue back with me, just as passionately and mostly do so in a manner that is respectful.  Keeps the personal brain cells going and I enjoy it.

I have learned, that sometimes I just need to let people be wrong(on the Internet or otherwise).  I'm not really good in putting that theory in practice though.  So sometimes loosing people is my fault.

There is more to this, but that's all I got for now, so I will write more later.

Communication

Tess latest blog post and reply, has brought me to think on the deeper issues to be addressed in our communities.  Ironic, with mercury retrograde going on and how it effects communication.  But the issue is communication.

I have encountered in my life, that people speak differently.  I can understand and get along with and argue in a healthy manner with Conservatives.  Depending on the liberal, that may also be true.  I can talk and be understood by various Recons.  That is not the case with the less hard polytheistic or liberal minded Pagans. It is like we are on a different planet.  All the communication techniques I learned in college are not helpful, when I address them.  Somehow I am always at fault.  Which quite honestly has led me to give up.

I am going to take the time today, to put out links, for people who may be interested, in learning more about communication and hopefully this may improve the situation.

Here is another more Pagan flavored link, showing the different communication styles between Recon and Wiccans.  http://www.ravenkindred.com/wicatru.html  I think it has only gotten worse.

Here is a pdf link that shows the different types of communication styles.  http://resources.css.edu/DiversityServices/docs/comminicationstyles.pdf
http://www.drbackman.com/communication-styles.htm

You can open this with open office or microsoft office.  This is a power point presentation.  It looks simplistic and may read condescending but for those that are more visually oriented it is useful.  https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=18&cad=rja&ved=0CGwQFjAHOAo&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indiana.edu%2F~jobtalk%2Fppt%2FDiscussionSessions%2FCommunication%2520Styles.ppt&ei=Rh8GU-HDMsP7yAHXjIGgDw&usg=AFQjCNHfQT90DKPw4fqLFvILivD1nLLXOQ&sig2=l4Xptc-OPQV7puZmSTCMLg  I am direct, and I have found that in the liberal Pagan land, they are more Passive, and somehow I read as dominating using that pdf.  I can't fathom why.

Here is a funny that George Takei posted, that also shows communication.  I thought it would be useful.  http://mentalfloss.com/article/55140/10-japanese-travel-tips-visiting-america

I am posting these links, because in order to improve communication, it is necessary to know what type you do.  It helps in then doing conflict resolution.  Think of it, to use a fluffy analogy, of figuring out your communication power animal:P

Please, I encourage people to comment here, so that others can learn from your wisdom.  When I figure out more, I will do follow up posts.

sighs, no it really isn't them, it is you.

http://tessdawson.blogspot.com/2014/02/buttonson-learning-discernment.html

Sigh, real good advice for most conversations.  However, it's a slap in the face, of those you insulted(and no I'm white and I'm usually the blunt wench that inadvertently insults people) when you make statements like pour a 40 to your homies.  I showed the link of why it was a bullshit statement.  It is not the audience fault for taking it the wrong way, it is your fault for being insensitive.

Making it the audience fault is manipulation.  It shows lack of care.  Granted everyone does it, I know I have.  However a month or two after the apology, and a sincere apology was issued, we are back to, no really it's not me, it's you.  Does not bring good feelings.  It makes me narrow my eyes and frankly loose trust.

Wiccan Rede, cursing, and preachy twits

So it has come to my attn, that certain segments of the Wiccan population are upset by cursing.  Apparently, they feel they can go about and beat people over the head and shoulders with the Wiccan Rede.  Apparently, the Wiccan Rede is only Do what thou wilt, an it harm none.
http://alisonleighlilly.tumblr.com/post/73960956295/why-im-not-offended-by-the-threefold-law

Well let me edgemacate you.  Not it most certainly is not. Here is the long Rede, taken off of wikipedia(apparently google is not a tool that some Wiccans use, nor any type of research).  linky.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiccan_Rede
History behind it
http://wicca.cnbeyer.com/rede.shtml

The Long Rede[edit]

In 1974 a complete twenty-six line poem entitled "The Wiccan Rede" was published in the neo-Pagan magazine Earth Religion News. Each line contained a rhymed couplet laid out as a single line, the last line being the familiar "short rede" couplet beginning "Eight words...".

This poem was shortly followed by another, slightly different, version, entitled the "Rede Of The Wiccae", which was published in Green Egg magazine by Lady Gwen Thompson. She ascribed it to her grandmother Adriana Porter, and claimed that the earlier published text was distorted from "its original form". The poem has since been very widely circulated and has appeared in other versions and layouts, with additional or variant passages. It is commonly known as the "Long Rede".

Thompson's version of the Long Rede is:

Bide the Wiccan Laws ye must In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.
Live an’ let live - Fairly take an’ fairly give.
Cast the Circle thrice about To keep all evil spirits out.
To bind the spell every time - Let the spell be spake in rhyme.
Soft of eye an’ light of touch - Speak little, listen much.
Deosil go by the waxing Moon - Sing and dance the Wiccan rune.
Widdershins go when the Moon doth wane, An’ the Werewolf howls by the dread Wolfsbane.
When the Lady’s Moon is new, Kiss thy hand to Her times two.
When the Moon rides at Her peak Then your heart’s desire seek.
Heed the Northwind’s mighty gale - Lock the door and drop the sail.
When the wind comes from the South, Love will kiss thee on the mouth.
When the wind blows from the East, Expect the new and set the feast.
When the West wind blows o’er thee, Departed spirits restless be.
Nine woods in the Cauldron go - Burn them quick an’ burn them slow.
Elder be ye Lady’s tree - Burn it not or cursed ye’ll be.
When the Wheel begins to turn - Let the Beltane fires burn.
When the Wheel has turned a Yule, Light the Log an’ let Pan rule.
Heed ye flower bush an’ tree - By the Lady Blessèd Be.
Where the rippling waters go Cast a stone an’ truth ye’ll know.
When ye have need, Hearken not to others greed.
With the fool no season spend Or be counted as his friend.
Merry meet an’ merry part - Bright the cheeks an’ warm the heart.
Mind the Threefold Law ye should - Three times bad an’ three times good.
When misfortune is enow, Wear the Blue Star on thy brow.
True in love ever be Unless thy lover’s false to thee.
Eight words ye Wiccan Rede fulfill - An’ it harm none, Do what ye will.

================================

If you are going to ethically shame people, than you damn well better know the full Rede.  Rede by the way is not law, it translates to advice.  Oh and here is some more history...  The Rede probably came from Crowley.

Oh and btw, Wiccans back in the 70's and 80's, especially the BTW, had no issue with cursing.  I have heard of a story, of a coven, doing a spell, to hurt a man who had raped one of their coven members.  He lost his member in a bar fight, after the spell.  

The person who brought this to light, is arguing that no one should be offended by Wiccans preaching this philosophy.  Because that is how they are.  No, that isn't how they are.  This is the love and light crowd, who can't deal with the real world, and who don't understand what conflict resolution are.  This is the love and light crowd who get offended by Conservative Christians being Conservative Christians, but feel that they have the same right. Mind you, all the Christians I know, are not raging buttwipes, who can't seem to discuss things like rational people.

Biding by the Wiccan Rede does not mean you have to be a doormat.  It does not mean you can't tackle conflict head on.  It does not mean you need to be a twit.  

Oh and when I was Wiccan, I wasn't BTW.  I was an eccletic type, who managed to still know the damn history, better than some BTW's and know the full Rede, know it was advice, and critically think.  Time to get your head out of your arse peeps and shaddup.

Elders and devotional paradigms

http://saltyourbones.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/what-to-offer-deities-and-how-to-figure-it-out/  This is a very good post, check it out.  She writes about how I feel how the Gods came to be.  Shakes fist at her, and grins.  Goes grrr grrr grr at ya.

My baseline for Pagans I encounter is peers.  I have no issue arguing and debating shiny mental mastubatory concepts.  Whether Morrigan is a peace entity or a bad ass bitch on the battlefield, based on the stories. That's fine. What isn't fine is telling someone, that the way they worship their personal Gods is wrong.  I don't think I've ever done that.

I also have a huge issue with, well I was and I am poor and I manage to do this. How you managed to do something will be different from others.  Your challenges are not theirs.  Some sacrifices may be too much, and no one has the right to shame others in regards to that.  While I did sigh in regards to the charity post, about money and how others choose to spend it, shaming is quite different.  I don't pay their bills, I really don't have a right nor does anyone else, to get uppity about it.

My UPG is more imp to me, then whether or not it matches up with what the ancients did. I have a personal relationship with my Gods.  They are not my Kings.  I don't operate out of a fear paradigm.  It is about love.

I have also run into a big lesson in this life.  QUESTION everything.  Gut check, is important.  It is one of the reasons I respect Scott Cunningham(Yeah that's what the whole do what feels right to you is about guys. He's saying listen to your intuition), because he does stress he doesn't know it all and your intuition is one of the best guides to listen to.  Also, I am told by my Gods to do this.  My gut check isn't just with humans.

Just because someone has been doing something for a while, doesn't make what they are doing, the right fit for you.  Your intuition will tell you. Consider our history(the larger occult community) of dishing out a lot of bullshit, doesn't necessarily mean, that they are knowledgable.  Harry Houdini debunked quite a lot of mediums in his day(many of which came from spiritualism, which does play into our Paganism) for being frauds.  Aleister Crowley, while gifted, was also a heroin addict among many other issues.  Gardner, liked to spank nubile young thangs(50 years of Wicca), does that really mean we need to continue scourging to raise energy, because Gardner really liked to do it?

Our modern Pagan practitioners aren't much different.  We all have issues, of one sort or another.  While that doesn't make them a bad teacher, it should be taken into consideration.  Your intuition is wiser than your cognitive functions, I have found, it is not shameful, if you have asked for advice and your gut says No, to not do that advise.

We have the opportunity to bring back to life stuff that has lain dormant.  Not only can we bring it back but we can do it better.  We can understand the lessons of the past and take the compassion and empathy of what we have fought for in the modern age and apply it.  We can find better ways of doing things, that other cultures have done, instead of doing only what the ancients did.  That doesn't make it wrong, that makes it using your head.

Conflict Resolution

The online people I have known over the years have truly suckish conflict resolution skills.  They do all the unhealthy shit in this link.  http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution.htm .  Offline, it's a mixed bag.  The older folks who have been around and understand their triggers do a pretty decent job.  However conflict resolution is not something I see as being taught or encouraged.

Read the link, it has great information.  It is something I learned in interpersonal communication in college. Knowing and understanding the above stuff in the link, will help you in relationships.