Friday, December 27, 2013

Something that James Grimswolf wrote that has had me thinking all day

http://grimswolf.wordpress.com/2013/12/24/may-i-have-everyones-attention-please/comment-page-1/#comment-122

The part where, if you don't libate, that maybe the Gods are not real to you, that others have been saying.  How that would affect a mystic, if they believed the person saying that.  That instead of the experiences being real, you are crazy, or delusional.

How bone deep disturbing that is.  It hadn't hit me that way, because what yahoo's on the internet, that I don't give power to, doesn't really affect me.  However to someone who hasn't yet reached that, it could shred them.

wow.  Closes eyes and sighs


Basic respect for the Gods

Basic respect for the Gods, starts with you.  It starts with a basic respect for yourself.  It starts with knowing what you are able and willing to do, when asked.  Basic respect for the Gods starts with listening, and hearing them.  It does not start with libations.  Libations are a source of hospitality.

I wasn't asked for libations when I was younger.  I was asked to listen and learn how to trust my intuition. One of those lessons, was when I was attached to a cemetery(the dead asked me, there was a spiritual place behind the cemetery).  I was poked to go to it and the woods behind it.  After a bit of hesitation I did, and lo and  behold someone was lost.

They didn't want libations from me when I was younger, they wanted me to learn.  Learn how to hone my sensitivity.  They wanted me to learn how to protect myself, in the astral as well learn basic magical protections.

They didn't want libations when I had more money and was more secure.  They wanted me to learn gardening.  Instead of libating, I changed out the landscaping plants to those that were more native friendly.  I worked hard(and it helped my mental state, because at least something I was doing was thriving) to understand soil, and what plants do well for the little things, like the birds and bees.  That taught me to listen to the land spirits.  Libating, didn't teach that, gardening did.  Gardening was more imp.

I learned what was butterfly friendly.  That helped the butterflies, bees and hummingbirds, and birds.  I learned what native plants were endangered and I put them in my garden.  I learned about soil composition and how to compost.  I learned about issues with deer, and wildlife gardening.  That all helped the local land spirits.(I edited this in 12/28/13/)

It is only recently that I have done libations.  When the Morrigan asked for me to circle my house monthly with my moon blood I did.  I also left out cream for her and the fey.  I am not asked that now.  When I have the funds, I will buy things for them, the grove likes the honey yogurt.  She also likes apples and honey.  I make sure that the apples, if the animals don't eat them, are left in the grove, for the seeds to hopefully sprout and apple trees to eventually grow there.  I even looked for blackberry plants in the fall(apples and blackberry are homes to the fey), but they had already been bought.

No respect doesn't begin with Libations.  It doesn't end with Libations.  It begins with listening.

A thought that keeps popping in my head. It has been there for a couple of days, I've wanted to say it in other posts, but hasn't been as clear till now.

 When you go to someones house, that doesn't have as much as you, you are grateful, when they give of themselves.  If you know they really can't afford things, you bring things to share with them, and are grateful for their company.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Promised to blog about what I quilted about this year

I made my youngest son a star wars quilt.  I am in the process of making a train quilt with connecting threads, and scrap fabric for my eldest son.

Trust

People have said, that when you are at your worst, you should be on your knees praying the most.  That you should let go and let God(AA).  That you should trust in the will of the Gods.  That is when you should do devotions to the Gods.

That's all pretty phrasing, but really difficult to follow.  The fear, the palpable fear, is there.  You have adrenaline going.  You are worried.  You are stressed.  And that's just the emotional reaction when you have regular bad stress.  When the shit really hits the fan, and you are trying to keep it together it is really hard to trust.

When your life is going to crap, the last thing you want to hear, is trust.  What you need is a hug.  What you need are solutions.  What you need is a hand up.

When the bad shit in 2010 happened, I broke inside.  I grieved.  I trusted because I had nothing else to trust and yeah the kids and I are ok for now.  But there was deep simmering anger.  There still is to a degree. Because it is one thing to put me through hell, it's another for it to affect my kids, and I resent that.  I wanted better for my children.  I also wonder, when the shit is going to stop, when will life stop being a constant struggle.

Currently, offerings of food and drink will be fewer than they had been in the past.  Not because I don't love my Gods, but because money is going to be tighter.  Before offerings can be made, I have to make sure, my kids and I have enough to get through the month.  (and I forgot to get the fat for the crows, sigh, and the bird seed).

That episode in 2010, almost had me negating my relationship with the Gods.  It didn't help that Yahweh and Loki both forbade me in helping with spell work.  I was told unequivocally NO!  If I did, consequences would happen.  I had to sit and wait, and be helpless, and it killed me inside when the waiting was over.  To say I didn't agree with the outcome is an understatement.  To say I think it was to harsh is also another understatement.  On top of that, to not know what I was going to do, was also an understatement.
http://davensjournal.com/perceived-relationships-with-the-gods

Though to hear some of the BNP's talk, I should have been giving devotions.  My heart nor my soul were in that mind frame.  I was in survival mode.  The only thing that kept me going, was me needing to take care of the kids.

I didn't stop having a relationship with my Gods.  I did let them know I was angry, why I was angry.  That I was deeply hurt, and that my trust had been broken.  We are still repairing that.  We are still repairing me.  I have triggers and PTSD that, I am still figuring out and trying to fix.  I am more fragile and yet more strong than I was before.

I am only now finding out some of the reasons.  The other reasons, I don't know.  I do trust(grudgingly)It is hard, rightfully so.

Even if you have gone through hell, telling someone else, that when shit is hard, is when they need to do the devotions more, is bullshit.  If you can't lend an ear, then get out of the way.  If you can't hug, get out of the way.  If you can't or won't lend a hand up, then get the hell outta the way.

Piety

The recent kerfluffle is about Piety.  It also is about respecting the Gods.  It also seems to be about whom to listen to.  I covered the whole who to listen to, in my post below.

Now on Piety.  Smurfette from the Smurfette principle http://stephyjh.wordpress.com/about-the-work/ Is just if not more pious than someone who gives offerings on a daily basis.  She's doing something imp, tasked to her by Bridgette, she's making quilts for young ones in the hospital, who otherwise may not get any blanket coverings.  Now I do not know if she makes other offerings(eats or does not eat them) to Brigid, nor do I know if Brigid even wants those, instead of her doing the work.

Do I give regular offerings, no.  I do it, half hazardly, like I do when I think about close friends and see something shiny for them, that i know would make them smile.  My offerings are not part of my piety, it's hey I was thinking of you, heres something yummy.  Though the fact that I am starting to want to have more yummy foods vs foods that survive, means I'm healing, from a deep pain, that happened in 2010.

I do votive offerings of candles more often.  Again that is more recent.  Prior to that I had statues.  But!! That does not make me impious.  It just means I've run into information that shows that Gods like offerings and I give them.  (speaking of which I need to get some to put outside for the birds).

I do however, put broken peopel together.  That is my biggest job.  That is what they want me to do. I pay for a felons car insurance on my car insurance, even though I don't have a lot of money.  I do it, out of love. I have used my Photography to help Christian Churches, and that is part of my ethics my Gods want me to adhere to.  I learn, in order to help others.  I am the voice of the Gods for those that need one(any God).That is more important to them, than whether I leave regular offerings.

To say that someone is impious because they don't leave offerings the way you do, is hubris.  You do not know of what their Gods have them do, or what they have agreed to do.  It is also busybody as hell.  It screams of Sister Bertha Better then you(Ray Stevens Mississippi Squirrel revival) In short, stop poking your nose in, where it isn't warranted.

Elders and devotional paradigms

http://saltyourbones.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/what-to-offer-deities-and-how-to-figure-it-out/  This is a very good post, check it out.  She writes about how I feel how the Gods came to be.  Shakes fist at her, and grins.  Goes grrr grrr grr at ya.

My baseline for Pagans I encounter is peers.  I have no issue arguing and debating shiny mental mastubatory concepts.  Whether Morrigan is a peace entity or a bad ass bitch on the battlefield, based on the stories. That's fine. What isn't fine is telling someone, that the way they worship their personal Gods is wrong.  I don't think I've ever done that.

I also have a huge issue with, well I was and I am poor and I manage to do this. How you managed to do something will be different from others.  Your challenges are not theirs.  Some sacrifices may be too much, and no one has the right to shame others in regards to that.  While I did sigh in regards to the charity post, about money and how others choose to spend it, shaming is quite different.  I don't pay their bills, I really don't have a right nor does anyone else, to get uppity about it.

My UPG is more imp to me, then whether or not it matches up with what the ancients did. I have a personal relationship with my Gods.  They are not my Kings.  I don't operate out of a fear paradigm.  It is about love.

I have also run into a big lesson in this life.  QUESTION everything.  Gut check, is important.  It is one of the reasons I respect Scott Cunningham(Yeah that's what the whole do what feels right to you is about guys. He's saying listen to your intuition), because he does stress he doesn't know it all and your intuition is one of the best guides to listen to.  Also, I am told by my Gods to do this.  My gut check isn't just with humans.

Just because someone has been doing something for a while, doesn't make what they are doing, the right fit for you.  Your intuition will tell you. Consider our history(the larger occult community) of dishing out a lot of bullshit, doesn't necessarily mean, that they are knowledgable.  Harry Houdini debunked quite a lot of mediums in his day(many of which came from spiritualism, which does play into our Paganism) for being frauds.  Aleister Crowley, while gifted, was also a heroin addict among many other issues.  Gardner, liked to spank nubile young thangs(50 years of Wicca), does that really mean we need to continue scourging to raise energy, because Gardner really liked to do it?

Our modern Pagan practitioners aren't much different.  We all have issues, of one sort or another.  While that doesn't make them a bad teacher, it should be taken into consideration.  Your intuition is wiser than your cognitive functions, I have found, it is not shameful, if you have asked for advice and your gut says No, to not do that advise.

We have the opportunity to bring back to life stuff that has lain dormant.  Not only can we bring it back but we can do it better.  We can understand the lessons of the past and take the compassion and empathy of what we have fought for in the modern age and apply it.  We can find better ways of doing things, that other cultures have done, instead of doing only what the ancients did.  That doesn't make it wrong, that makes it using your head.





Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Snakes

I ran across these in Ms.  My UPG says they come from a Native American heritage, but that is my gut and this is all UPG.  The first one, and I can't remember why he showed up, was in a leather jacket, acted nice,but my instinct said be careful.  He asked for a drink of my sweet tea and I shared.  I went to take a drink, but I stopped myself, and poured it out on the ground.  While doing so, I saw some sparkly energy in the drink.  He had put in venom.  He was amused when I said that.  He left later.

I remember why the first one showed up.  He wanted to know where a friend of mine lived.  I refused to give him that info.

The other one I saw, was in a full headress and older.  He was trusthworthy, and had a different personality.

The Silver ones

I do not know what if any tradition these originated in.  I do not know if I'm the only one to see them.  I saw them when I lived in Massachusetts, and I saw them in Washington.  I have seen them in KS, but they felt different.

They when I see them, are silver, usually on the edge of woods, elves and wolves.  In ks, they are silver Native Americans and wolves.

They like cream.

I do not know what their purpose is.  I have seen them, I feel a closeness.  I have felt them be protective.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Devotion and respect to the Gods

Ahhh joy another drama storm is brewing about the interwebs.  You can read the origins here:http://saltyourbones.wordpress.com/2013/12/21/on-classism-paganism-and-the-piety-posse/#comments and here http://satsekhem.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/poor-as-fuck-polytheism/
and here http://nornoriel.dreamwidth.org/293877.html?mode=reply and here(this one defends it)http://forestdoor.wordpress.com/2013/12/19/for-polytheists/#comment-4056 and here http://roguesareth.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/poverty-piety-and-paganism/

I'm sure there are other places I have missed.  I've already vented my spleen and had my say, so I won't say it redundantly here.  You can read my posts there if you are so inclined.

Ok that being said, it bring to mind an interesting questions.  How do we show devotion to the Gods.  Do we do it as others do, and do so religiously(pun not intended) or do we do it out of love?  If we owe the Gods piety and offerings, do they owe us as well?  Is there give and take?

My opinion.  I offer out of love.  For me it isn't about being a good Pagan and getting some sort of reward, it is about doing something that brings me closer.  I offer them what I make for food(or teach my daughter to make).  I offer what I have on hand.  If I have extra money and I am in the grocery store and they ask for something I try to provide it, because I like doing that.  I do that also for friends and family. It pleases me to please those that I love.

However, there is a balance.  If the Gods want offerings to show them respect, then respect needs to be shown to you as well.  Also you should first respect yourself.

 I can here the gasps now.

We are not our ancestors.  We do not need to toss the virgin in the volcano to placate the angry God to stop ourselves from dying.  The relationship has changed, or has it?

In the feudal system, you gave to the Lords, who gave to the ones in power, who gave to the King.  In turn the those in power were supposed to look out for you and protect you from dangers.  (History has shown what a poor system that was).  In what I have read(and I forget the sources or I'd link them) you gave to the spirits because they looked out for you.  The Gods grew from that.

Ie, There was a give and take.

Ok lets get out of the academic and mental world.

The Gods and their devotees have their own relationships.  It is not one size fit all.  Though some bnp's seem to think we should take what they say from on high, and the rest be laity giving to the Gods.  I think they forget we don't necessarily need them to talk to the Gods for us, many of us can do it ourselves.  I think they forget we have our own relationships with the Gods and the Gods don't always ask the same from everyone.

Also I am highly uncomfortable with the idea, that if you do not do x devotions or giving to the Gods, you are a bad Pagan.   It is the same mentality that I ran into in some of the Christian Churches.  I found it problematic.  It puts God/Yahweh first and you should obey, and not question.  You should live your life to please him.

I don't think that attitude is a healthy one.  Now some Pagans may do that, but they choose to do so.  For every Pagan or Polytheist to do so, feels unhealthy to me.  Also my Gods want me to question.  I was also kicking myself for participating in the drama, before I realized standing up and calling out bullshit is a holy devotion for me.

Smurfette has a different obligation to Bridgette then I do to Loki and my other Gods.  She needs to make quilts.  I help put broken people together, speak for the Gods, do devotions if they wish, and study and learn  and probably have a career arguing.  (if I get my college shit done).  The Gods have asked or told us to do stuff, and we have accepted.  She is not me and I am not her.  We definitely are not Dver, and Sannion, or Tess.

Lets also talk about people have different responsibilities.  Who should come first, Gods or the Kids?  Is it devotion to give food to the Gods that could go to your hungry kids?  Would the Gods approve?  Do you not have the right to balance and make sure your life is as stable as it can be, before giving to the Gods? Seems like those arguing, do not think you do.  I disagree.

I believe you need to assess and take care of your needs.  If you do not, you risk falling apart and then you can't give the Gods or do what they ask.  I think I would have a huge issue if my Gods demanded me to give offerings I can't afford at the expense of my children.  For Gods that pushed me to argue, to thrown down the B.S flag, I'd probably have a go at it with them. (uh oh I see smiling).  Nor do I think it would be impious to do so.  See my conflict resolution post.  It's addressing at that point, an issue.

We Polytheists have a relationship with the Gods.  The rules are not in the books nor are written by the BNP's.  It is written by what we agree to and the boundaries we set and the stuff we negotiate(those of us that can hear them).

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Mum, The Goddess

If it isn't clear, I am writing down my impressions.  None of the Gods I have talked about(other than Morrigan) have a lot of lore to them.  This is a beginning and they wanted me to write about how I saw them and felt them.

Color, Silver.  She has no name.  None that I can figure out at least, at this time.  She just is mum.

I encountered her first in a dream.  I was in highschool, and was sent these dreams.  I was involved in a battle(not a traditional battle, maybe battle is the wrong term).  Anyway I had a thing I was fighting.  It was a giant black wolf, that would go out and eat people.  Had a lot of stealth.

I was given Merlin to teach me and I had to put together a sword, with a pencil in its hild(oooh can you get the symbology here??? lawl).  IF I said this poem blue light would come out of the sword(no it wasn't thundercats ho) and destroy my enemy.

Here me now first Goddess of the light
Drink for me now
The cup of life

Here me now first Goddess of the night
The rest has been lost in a successive dream


In a prior dream, I was walking with Merlin and he asked me to recite the poem.  I felt it slowly being pulled out of my mind.  THen I woke up and this is what I am left with.  The lesson girls, boys and what have you, is write down the imp dreams.  Notes are imp.

That dream led me to non BTW Wicca.  I loved the simplicity of Scott Cunningham.  He has a gift for making hard things simple and elegant.

Anyway, she is the same Goddess in Wicca.  I also saw her in the High Priestess when I went to see whether I wanted to be more traditional in Gardnerian coven.  She is more Queenly there, vs the informal mother I found in Non BTW.

But while she is in Wicca, she isn't limited there.  The holiest vision of her, that I saw, was the Orion nebula.  http://hubblesite.org/gallery/tours/tour-orion/

I sense her in the air, especially in the moon and space.  I sense her in the water, and all around me.  I do not know if she is Omnipotent. I do not know if she is the White Goddess from Robert Graves or if he only got a small tiny glimpse of her.  I just know that she is.

I do not know if she is Asherah.  I only know the UPG I have of her.  What I have of her, is infinite patience.  She feels motherly.  She is warmth and hearth.  Though mess with her kits and she will come down on you like a mother bear.

She seems to be connected with the fey in a way as well.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Cernunnos

Green.  The deep forest.  The smell of leaves and trees.  Fall. Spring.  Antlers.  Hounds.  The call of the hunt.  The chase.  Life and Death.  The smell of green.  Jethro Tulls songs from the wood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2MgU7PNHgw


Academically not much is known about him.  He is on the Gunderstrap Cauldron.  He is known to the Continental Celts.

He is also another Primal God.

Morrigan

A tall, black haired, sensual, powerful, take charge type of woman.  One who exudes a cool exterior.  She's a Queen.  A woman who knows what she is doing, and isn't afraid to go after what she wants.  A kick ass bitch(she smiled when I typed that) type of woman.

She has a presence of an Ice Queen.  Though I sense, that is what she shows, while she watches you.  I also sense that she is very warm underneath.  Someone with that much passion, I can't see not having an inner warmth.

Crows, Ravens, Fae, Sex, Violence, and Law, are what I feel and see when I think of her.  Blood and primalness.

I respect and I am wary of her.  Wariness is not fear.  I however do not have the same close relationship and the ability to say what I will, that I do with Loki.

Loki

I originally was going to go all rawrrrrr on John Halstead post on privledge, but I got poked to do something else instead.

So here it is:

LOKI:

The Phoenix.  The raging fire.  The hearth fire.  The one who destroys, the one who fixes.  The Transmutable fire.  The shapeshifter.  The laughing God.  The sad God.  The one who loves deeply.

The fire of the furnace.  The fire of a wildfire.  The hot breath raging breath of a wildfire.

When I think of Loki, I think of a bonfire, or Fire.  The power and the wind and the roar.  That is the description that I am to portray of him.

My interaction with him is that of Dad.  I have a very close relationship with him.  I respect him.  I love him. I respect but don't fear him. I am often shaking my head bemused by him.  I also know, if I call on him, that I better be damn sure I am asking for the right thing, because he is CHANGE.

He has his own Honor.  He will use any tool at his disposal to get shit done.  That means he will lie and steal and do what he needs to get it done.  However he is very honest with me.

He is also very subtle in his lessons.  Some I don't even know I am doing, until I have done them and they have fixed me or made me face a fear.  He is not a deity for the light hearted.  Nor should he be trifled with.

He was among the other Gods, who poked me to go to Lightning across the Plains.  I was being to isolated. I needed to interact with others.  The kids needed to see a bigger Pagan gathering.  It was affordable.

The con to that, is I didn't feel like I belonged.  Because of the nature of the worshippers(who are very nice and good people), I kept my affiliations quiet.  Thus I could not be myself.  Plus, after having an autistic child for a while, 200+ people can be a bit overwhelming.  Me the extrovert felt more than a bit of an introvert and that I was in a hamster ball mewling.

I think I would do better at a smaller gathering.  But since the Troth allows toasting to Loki, I may join and see if there are more Loki friendly events.  I liked meeting the people.  I oddly felt closer to the more vanic worshippers as well(haven't figured that out).

I also need a place where I can let my son go, where I can relax.  Where he can be himself.  So a smaller venue would be better.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Lost Faces of the Bible

Watching it on the National Geographic Channel.  Learned something fascinating, apparently in Caananite culture, children belonged to the Gods, not the parents.  Also they have found in I believe the North Africa site, babies as well as young sheep and goats of the same age, that were sacrificed and buried in jars.  The ages were 0-3 months old.

Though a google search, just said it was not child sacrifice.  http://www.livescience.com/23298-carthage-graveyard-not-child-sacrifice.html  Huh

Anyway back to the show.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Issues in the greater Pagan religion

I see a lot of hue and furious cry of typing fingers, when Teo Bishop left.  I see a lot of whinging about Pentacles and horror films and think of the Neo Pagan witches.  I don't see a lot of Pagan press about many of the Prison Chaplains that work with Pagans in Prison.  I don't see a lot of news about people who actually do stuff to make the world a better place.  Though there is plenty of halp halp the Christians are persecuting me.

Why?

Oh and Lords and Ladies above.  If someone asks for help in the Pagan community for financial issues, or for charity don't expect them to get much help.  But the self same Pagans that can't be arsed to give 5 bucks, sure as hell can spend money for made in china crap, that comes from Azure Green.

That bugs me.  It doesn't say much for our ethics or our priorities.

Why is being a victim a higher priority in the larger Pagan community then giving back to the world?  Why don't we have it in our theology and talk about it more?  Why do we let those who help, do so out of their own pocket?  If you can't afford any to help, you can make a craft and do a raffle to generate the funds. Why aren't we seeing this?

And yes I do help.

I'd list what I do(and I feel I should do more, but balance right now) but this isn't my ego boost, this is the start of the why.

WHY general Pagans, WHY?

Saturday, December 7, 2013

God Graveyard and after effects

So apparently, there not being enough shit in the world to worry about, we have BNP Pagans getting up in arms about this:  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/10/31/college-atheists-place-god-graveyard-on-campus-200-tombstones-of-gods-we-no-longer-worship/  Yup a group of atheists and the like made a God graveyard on their university campus.  Cue instrumental music of woe and doom.

Oh wait, I don't hear Morrigan, Loki(he's yawning)Cernunnos or any of my other Gods really being angry.  I hear silence and so what.  Why?  Because it's a group of atheists who don't believe anyway.  Moreover, there is bigger shit here to worry about.  Loki has got his followers to heal.  Morrigan has got wars to chew over and other stuff she needs done.  Cernunnos has got what he wants.  What a group of college students does, does not register.

Moreover, the Gods can fight their own battles.  The fight that is going on, is why the hell doesn't this group recognize Pagans and realize our Gods aren't dead.  Aka it's about ego.  and it's bullshit.

Then sitting there saying that what you do is somehow more imp than what the Steph of the smurfette principle does because you teach and write vs the fact she works by crafting baby blankets for poor infants in the hospital ward is utter heinous bullshit.  Your work is no more imp than others.

You want to get up in arms about something imp, then get up in arms about people being in prison for no good reason, other then drugs and being addicted.  Get up in arms about the number of people who are homeless.  Get up in arms over the fact that food stamps are being reduced.  Get up in arms about our civil rights being shit on.  Get up in arms about people not having free speech if you aren't of the same political party or you aren't politically correct.  In short, there is more real world shit that needs more to be paid attn to, then a college group exercising their 1st amendment rights that our vets give their lives, time and freedom for.

And btw for those who read my blog give Steph some love and money and fabric, she needs quilting supplies.  She's actually doing something imp.  http://stephyjh.wordpress.com/2013/11/05/asking-for-help/

This meany pooh pooh headed Pagan has.  I don't have much but I gave what I could and I dug through my fabric stash.  I dare you to do better.  I challenge you to show me up.